apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
