We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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