I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
