mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
