So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
