smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
