be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
