True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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