Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
