12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
