Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
