i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i drank out of a bidet.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize