She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
