Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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