apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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