Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
