sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
