No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
