just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
