the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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