You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
