whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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