Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
