Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
