K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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