I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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