Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
