I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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