He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
