garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
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