I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize