Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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