so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
