I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
