i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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