Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
