she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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