No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize