imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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