The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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