just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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