It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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