I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize