it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
