So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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