It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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