His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
