So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
