"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
