I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
