I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Someone shattered a urinal.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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