So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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