No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
