it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
