I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
