I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
