the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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