I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
