Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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