It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize