I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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