Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
