I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
