I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize