I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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