you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
