Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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