I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
