never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I need to align my fucking chakras
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
