I'm jealous of your bromance
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
