so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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